Blast from Blog Past: Romancing the (Starbucks) Bean

I’ve been going through my files saved from the nefarious Cryptovirus (thank you Carbonite!), and deciding which ones to put onto my new Mac (I swore I would never get a Mac, but that virus destroyed by computer and I’ll never go through that again.) I’ve found some old blog posts which I’m excited to give new life to and share with you.

Blast from blog past #1: Romancing the (Starbucks) Bean

coffee spoons quote

You have to hand it to those writers over at Starbucks. They really know how to lay it on. My mom bought me one of their mugs for Christmas. The box came with a poem which I initially found romantic and hypnotic enough to me want to not only keep the box, but display it – until I came to my senses. It read, in part: “The bean forever remembers its birthplace…The bean eternally harbors the nurturing touch of the farmer deep within. The bean gives back, blessing each warm cup with the mysteriously inviting flavor of its coffee-land origin.” Good God, that’s a lot for a bean, isn’t it?

But what does a bean actually remember? Nothing. It’s a bean! And it’s not even born, it’s grown – so there’s no birthplace to remember anyway! And even if it had the capacity for memory, how could it ‘forever remember’ anything once it’s been pulverized in a grinder?

As for the bean eternally harboring the nurturing touch of the farmer…If there is a word that could be more wrong for describing a bean than ‘forever,’ it might be ‘eternally.’ And ‘harboring?’ Such clandestine behavior for a bean. What other secrets does this clever little bean hold?

“The bean gives back.” Well, that would be true – if the bean ever got anything in the first place. But it’s a bean. It doesn’t understand the concept of reciprocation.

As a writer, I’m drawn to words. As a human, I’m particularly empathetic. Although I’m not unduly into horoscopes, I occasionally read my daily tarot report. I saved this one: “The lesson of the Pisces Moon is compassion, for we are all in this world together.” This is interesting because my name means “moon.” Selene is the Greek moon goddess and the personification of the moon itself. I am in fact the moon, and my calling is just that – to remind us that we’re all in this together. Humanity must unite if it is to survive.

And if we’re to believe the Starbucks Corporation, that even includes the coffee beans.

They give their all for us folks – making the ultimate sacrifice so we can have our daily joe and not go on a murderous rampage in a shopping mall.

Does PETA know about this? They might want to add coffee beans to their list. At the very least, those beans deserve a union. Wouldn’t they be cute on the picket line, bouncing around the side walk? Oh wait, that’s Mexican jumping beans (PETA really does need to protect the worms inside those beans, incidentally.)

If I’ve gotten carried away, please excuse me. I haven’t had enough coffee yet.

Bye for now.

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